The Pokémon Files
by Wisecrack Idiots
Summary: Have you ever had a question that regards the games or anime? "Why are there so many Nurse Joys?" "Why can't a four foot eleven inch Scyther use fly but a one foot Pidgey CAN?" "Where are Diglett's feet?" If your answer is yes, then this story is for you!


Hey! It's been quite some time since we updated on our account, and boy do we feel guilty! Shame on us!

_But now, in our time of absence we have grown and matured! After much heated debate and discussion between us, we have noticed several aspects to the Pokémon universe that do not apply to logic or abide by laws of physics. _

Ain't it so? So, we have decided to pursue, discuss, and rant about all possible theories that coincide with the games and anime.

Now, what shall we call this golden and radiant work of genius?

_Ooh! I know! We shall call it..._

**The Pokémon Files**

To avoid all of the trivial legal nonsense that always seems to haunt our existence, Pokémon is © copyright to Nintendo™. We do not claim ownership nor do we intend to infringe upon the material by passing it off as our own and earning money from it.

_Now that we've got this matter cleared up, let's continue with our first matter of business._

_

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_**The Nurse Joy Factor!**

If you've actually paid attention to the show and games, you'll notice that greeting you at every single freaking Pokémon Center is a obnoxiously peppy and spirited, red-headed young woman infamously known as Nurse Joy.

But have you ever wondered how all cities can possible have Nurse Joys operating them? Sure, Nurse Joy mentioned that she had extended family with many sisters and cousins. But seriously; how many are there? And why is this even possible?

Let's present our compiled information that states that at least every town has at least one Nurse Joy (disregarding your hometowns) in the games. If you say that almost every town in Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, the Sevii Islands, Orre, Fiore, Almia, and Oblivia had a Nurse Joy, then that would equate to an even distribution of approximately 108 Nurse Joys.

Now, if you also go by the anime's standards, then there are also towns not mentioned in the games. Don't forget to include the movies, too, and pit stops along routes in the show where Ash and Co. have seen—you guessed it—a Nurse Joy.

Also, the hometowns in the games (Pallet, New Bark, Littleroot, and Twinleaf) are portrayed much smaller than they actually are in the anime, so it's safe to assume that they also have a Nurse Joy too.

There's also the upcoming games Black and White to consider. With the introduction to new cities and towns, there's likely to be an additional surge of 30+ Nurse Joys due to the factual amount of the in-game towns plus the anime's town portrayal.

With all of this in mind, we can conclude that there are approximately ∞ Nurse Joys.

Let's be realistic. If they're all related, then the Nurse Joys that are actually sisters to each other had to come from the same mother. A person takes between 6—9 months to go into labor (it depends here) and actually give birth to the Nurse Joy spawn, and get knocked up again. If the mother of the Nurse Joys began reproducing like a rabbit at the age of 15, she could only have had a minute fraction of the existing Nurse Joy population.

The only way for the Nurse Joy mother to have had this many children is for her to have lived well over a 100 years and had multiple sets of octuplets.

Thus, we had to stamp this theory out. It's simply too unrealistic for Pokémon.

Our first idea was terrible. It evolved, however, just like a Pokémon, and resulted in something known as the Sister-Mister theory.

What if one day three female triplets married three male triplets known only as "Mr. Joy." If each sister married one of the brothers, they would automatically take on their husbands' name "Joy."

Henceforth, they became Mrs. Joy, Mrs. Joy, and Mrs. Joy. After stapling the "Nurse" part to their nametags, they decided to mass-produce and take a drug that made it so that their children could only be female. The medicine also had a side-effect that made each birth produce five sets of triplets.

Isn't that wonderful? Your nurses are not only supplying drugs, but taking them as well.

But, sadly, this still doesn't logically cover the vast, infinitive number of Nurse Joys on the planet. While this may support a part of the theory, it doesn't compute to how all of the Nurse Joys look the exact same age.

Next on our agenda is the _Brave New World_ theory.

For those who have read Aldous Huxley's novel, you are already well-acquainted with the fact that human embryos are genetically altered and engineered in the Conditioning Centre.

What if the original Nurse Joy is being held hostage somewhere in a factory where scientists are extracting the Nurse Joy chromosome to replicate her exact image through cloning? What if they're being conditioned to reject all other careers except nursing?

This one actually makes sense, considering that the genetically-engineered nurses would be about the same age and have an ex-growth hormone that prevents aging.

But could this actually happen in Pokémon without the government noticing the mass-production? If there is a government, anyway.

So, we'll have to skip over this theory and continue with the next one: the Stalker theory.

In six simple words: the Nurse Joys stalk Ash Ketchum.

After Ash placed sixteenth in the Indigo League and began his adventure in Johto, all of the Nurse Joys (roughly 10) abandoned the Pokémon Centers in Kanto and established Centers in whatever region he was currently traveling through. This would explain how the Nurse Joys knew him so well every time he entered a new town for the first time.

If this theory is true, then you must wonder how they're able to monitor Ash's whereabouts and keep up with him at a consistent basis. The answer is simple: every time Ash checked his Pokémon into a Center to restore their health, each Nurse Joy would install a microchip under his Pokémons' skin that would locate them—and more specifically, Ash Ketchum—wherever they are in the world.

All of that nursing equipment you see in the Centers is, in fact, tracking gear that connects to miniature satellites orbiting the planet. At any given time the Nurse Joys can tap into the computers' systems and get a fix on his exact coordinates. It's also possible to receive a visual image of him.

Ash Ketchum needs to fear for his life. As should you, every time you check in at the Center.

But for whatever the reason that consists with their increasing population, one thing remains absolutely certain: the Nurse Joys have FORMED A CULT.

Without a doubt they have full intentions to train an inbred army of Nurse Joys that are sexist. These soldiers intend to wipe out all male humans while enslaving all females, forcing them to join the cult and undergo plastic surgery; this will result in Nurse Joy look a-likes in every part of the globe.

Rather than take over the world using guns, tanks, and Pokémon, they will force the world to succumb to their might by using medical instruments (such as ten-foot needles, drugs, and giant scalpels).

Every man will be seduced into extinction, especially Brock, because he's an idiot. Any man that agrees to a gender transplant will be spared. This is the complete and utter truth to the role of Nurse Joys in the world. However much you wish to dispel this ugly rumor, it cannot be extinguished.

Never trust a Nurse Joy.

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**Authors' Note**:

_Well, I hope you appreciated our theories and debates regarding this hotly-debated question. With the riddle somewhat-solved, we can continue to explore other questionable aspects to the Pokémon franchise_.

Stay tuned in for updates! But knowing our track record, this could take a while.


End file.
